duminică, 24 decembrie 2017

Thank You Christmas!

Merry Christmas and may your hearts be filled with joy and happiness! :)
Next year will definitely be better and wiser too! 
But to be honest with you all I have a feeling it will be crazier than ever because of the crazy decisions I'll make, actually as someone said they won't be crazy at all, there's always someone crazier than you.
Later Update: How could I forgot to say the most important thing ever? :))
Well, I can now say I really like how karma works. I can say this Christmas I got the best present ever: answers and freedom and even more as not in a million years will I ever imagined it like that but karma is harsh I guess. I really didn't need anything else 'cause as I said I got even more than what I imagined in the first place. I can really finish this year with style I guess. 😎


sâmbătă, 9 decembrie 2017

Loving Vincent

So, I've watched Loving Vincent. Great movie that I had to write something about it.

'You want to know so much about his death, but what do you know of his life?'
'I know that he tried hard to prove that he was… good enough for something.'
'Yes, he did. That’s why I take flowers to his grave. That’s all I can do for him now. He would appreciate the delicate beauty of their bloom, even each blade of their grassy stems. No detail of life was too small or too humble for him. He appreciated and loved it all.'

Poor soul, he felt everything. He felt so much it made him want the impossible. :(
What angers me is that he's considered insane or suffering from some kind of mental disease that he was treated for. I think he was completely sane, these people are very sane, they're just too good for eveything around them, they're geniuses, these kind of people of course they always have very harsh lives most of the time for being misunderstood. I remember I read something some time ago about a teacher who specialised in training and teaching children with higher iq's. Usually these kids if they are left in the wrong hands for too much unable to really show their potential, they get depressed, they isolate themselves from everyone they feel they'll never get to do what they're supposed to do, to fulfill theit full potential, become agressive or suicidal because of course nobody can fit in a pattern with everyone. We are all different, humans are all different, that's what makes the earth go round, that sort of thing. :)

However, still unrelated to Vincent, yes he was depressive and as depression can be a disease I think most of the time it is triggered over time and not just comes out of nowhere, nobody is born with it, it's not genetical as I think mos of the mental health problems are just triggered with no turning back to the so called 'light'. Poor Vincent kind of had everything against him and because he felt so much he considered himself a bargain to his relatives, especially his brother and to the world itself when actually it was world who needed him, the other way round. I dunno, it's a sad movie about a misunderstood artist as many artist are, but what it's sad for me is that only after it's death he was fully recognised and appreciated, he painted dunno 800 paintings or more as it is said in the movie but only one was sold. What? Only one? That's not fair.
His whole life seems like it wasn't fair. :( I'm not even mad that he killed himself, I'm mad that his life was so unfair for everything he was and could have done, not only reaching but also showing his full potential to the world. But that's the thing with geniuses, they're never actually understood by others, how they can be when that's part of being a genius. I so like it when I'm stating the obvious, most of the time, captain obvious. :))

We all want to prove that we are good enough for something, it all starts like that wanting to be the best in something or  wanting to prove something, but what if that thing is so great or so big that we can't handle it, what if that thing is actually the impossible as it was for Vincent? We also can't go for something else as we're good at only that and nothing else. Well, what will one do in that situation? Of course he/she can dedicate his/her whole life to that sole thing but wouldn't it be all in vain if it is the impossible he/she wants to reach?

This movie really put me in state of writing all sorts of nonsense here and I am sorry but I really loved it and left me in state for more than 30 minutes before getting back to reality and trust me not all movies can do that.

Here's how it was actually made and the trailer. Happy watching! Seems like a lot of great, very hard-working people contribute in making this awesome movie and it just amazes me. It amazes me when many great people gather to do something awesome, people usually are really amazing.

The boy who just made his journey to deliver the letter, lost his job and had a great trip of self-discovering along with it, I loved it, I love this theme, I search for it everywhere in movies, in books, everywhere. Great Gatsby had something similar with that student who people called something like the third wheel in the story, no he isn't, his role is important, he gets to tell the tale at the end, these people who witness things get to tell the tale. I need this kind of trip too and I think a lot of people need it in their lives. Of course it's never like in the movies or books, how can it be but it's inspired from real life stories so it must have some reality in it. Just saying...

Now I'm just gonna have to get back to reality and eat something and other boring chores as time for these awesome hobbies I like keeping for myself is shrinking and shrinking as the years pass.


joi, 7 decembrie 2017

Still an unsettled, confused weirdo

When life gets boring again and you wonder what things or what you need more precisely to do to be happy with it more years and why you always need more and more and more. I realised it will take more years of changes and places and people and everything until to finally stop at something. The funny thing is when you realise it's not even finding the love of your life the key to bringing the endless happiness and the answers to all of your questions up until now as I've seen it is for so many women. They were exactly like me and all of sudden the right man casts away the confusion, the unanswered question and oh all of a sudden everything else doesn't matter. :))

Well, yes love does this it makes you stupid but as it may work for me at the beginning is just the illusion until some time passes and you get back to reality and to the fact that you'll never be happy with someone else if you can't be happy with yourself, of course and many things.

However, this isn't exactly what I wanted to talk about, what I wanted to talk about is that my mind is so restless always, I can't stop it, it always wants more, always has new ideas or things to do, to share, higher, better, sometimes I feel like I'm very weird because even though I'd love to do a lot of awesome things, I still don't know what my mind really wants, what I really love to do, I can never do one thing and that thing only it has to be more complex than that, it's sad at the same time because everyone around seems to already found their way intro the world or that thing they're really good at or that thing they really love doing for the rest of their lives and you're there too being like, me wants adventures, me can't settle, me is never happy with anything unless is complex or challenging :))) and they look at you like huuh, what are you talking about girl? :)) it doesn't leave me to live in peace this mind, never, it's not the heart, it's the mind who gets really bored as funny as it may sound.
I also read more and fast to feel like I don't live for nothing but sometimes not even that helps. Meh, what can you do then? You can change everything again and again, starting all over many, many times, just to feel that thrill of something new and not old and boring.

I'm not writting here all of these just to say to everyone omg lool how special I am, nobody is special we are all humans, on the contrary I could never ever feel superior or higher than anybody else, I treat everyone else the same no matter if you're a janitor or a director, I don't label, for me everyone is a human, I don't hate, I think hating is stupid, without logic in it, I'm not jealous, material things don't matter to me, the spirit and the mind does, what you think or what you do those things matter the most, not clothes or any other material things or anything related to the norms of the society. And of course I don't have to explain myself to anyone.

We can all live exactly how we want so who cares about the right thing to do or the must do things in order to achieve happiness.

Another saying: Oh, it's the age that's why, you'll see it gets better and better with age. Haha, how do you know? Yes, I'll probably be more wise when I'll be older or I'll want and think about other things but how can you be sure it'll be better or how do you know that I'll be in that way like everybody else, I'm already like everybody else, being in a corporation working, exactly the same pattern the society imposed on each and every one of us, I'm already like everyone, I'm the sheep, how I won't be a sheep anymore that depends on me again.

Another funny thing is when I contradict myself, told you I'm a weirdo, smth more complicated and so called complex comes up and I get scared and run from it thinking me I can't do that, then I come back and probably apologise or smth because I realise how unhappy and restless I am again. I so hate it when I do this to myself, but it's trainable, I'm dealing with it.

Oh and I tried all sorts of things and it's not even because I have too much time on my hands, I never have time but I always do make time for everything I wanna do because I really wanna do it so it's not about trying more  maybe it's something that I can't see, maybe it's about making the right choice instead of just doing all kinds of stuff to feel more useful, maybe it's maybelline. :))

And of course it's not about wanting more or being higher and higher as I've written above, I'm always very easily misunderstood by others around me, when I say more I mean spiritually, when I say higher I mean more interesting awesome things who in my mind are higher than useful boring old things everybody does in a society.

I'm really happy when I can see that I inspire others as me too I'm inspired by others or that I bring some kind of change without even realizing it but it doesn't help me, myself it just helps others a lot me with myself is still a confused weirdo. :))

Sau ce imi mai spunea mie cineva: Lasa fata ca esti desteapta, te duce capul asa ca o sa descoperi tu singura ce trebuie sa faci sau de ce ai nevoie. Da bine, de ar fi asa usor sa spui doar ca te descurci tu, daca eram asa desteapta ma descurcam si descopeream pana acum, just saying. :)

duminică, 3 decembrie 2017

The train accident

It really sucks to be in a train who just hit a car with people in it as I've heard and with a driver who decided to suicide himself because the car with him in it was posted there it couldn't just come out of nowhere in the middle of a field some metres away from the closest station. It is even harder to cope with the 2 hours delay when you have in front of you a woman who suffers tourettes and panicks and as the hours pass she seems to get worse and worse trying to calm her down when you, yourself can't be calm, I don't know if she needs her medicine because as I know tourettes can't be treated but she definitely needs something. In this moments you just wonder what you did wrong to deserve this? Where is your karma and many other bullshit stuff. :(

Tomorrow I'll have to wake up at 6 am in order to be at 8 at the office in Voluntari, to a job, let's be honest you don't really like but it pays what you need to stay someplace far away from that deserted hometown you come from at least you have a social life and some fun besides, and of course for a while it's much better than everything else you had before, however, talking about an hour and 15 min of traffic the same thing I got used to long time ago. But the difference now it will be that when I'll get to Bucharest now I'll have to catch a taxi who'll want to take me at that hour at 12 at night I hope we'll arrive(left the city at 17:30pm), considering there're a whole lot of other people who'll need taxi too of course. Of course, hoping that taxi will be fine and not getting into another accident, I'll finally be able to sleep a couple of hours, yaay.

And people wonder why do I complain all the time, well of course I complain because it sucks and because most of the time it's stupid or really stupid so why wouldn't I? When it wouldn't suck big time I'll stop, when it'll suck just a little I'll stop, but as long as  it sucks big time shut up and cope with me as I have to cope with all of you and many more. Amin.

Arrived at the apart at 12:30 night time all by myself, after I took a taxi at 12 and funny enough the taxi driver drove me at such a high speed passing through cars like nothing that he quite scared me considering the previous events. Thank you driver, hope I'll never have to take your taxi again. PS: I wasn't hurrying anywhere, don't drive like you're racing in the traffic. *facepalm*

 Aaaand to top it all off a part of my money/salary from my bank account at Raiffesen is miraculously gone. Fuck you Raiffesen, fuck you 'cause I don't even have time to come to the bank and make the biggest fuss ever but I'll do it tomorrow, I don't need your apologies and automated messages/sms of how it was a mistake, and they'll be back, it is monday and my money aren't back so if my money aren't back by tomorrow I'm coming to the bank no matter what and I don't know how you'll do it but bitch you better have my money. Stupid country. I don't recommend Raiffesen at all of course but it's the one chosen by the firm and the money are coming faster when you're at the same bank as others when is time for the viraments but me personally I recommend only BT and nothing else.

My money are back, aleluia, glad I didn't have to make that big fuss tomorrow but if you're getting me really angry in a bad day you better run, run as fast as you can, run for your life. :)))

vineri, 1 decembrie 2017

Happy Birthday Romanians!

I don't care how proud or not you are being from this country but I can tell you this: As long as you're here and actually living in this country with your ID and papers all from here let's exclude the birth certificate/romanian citizenship not that important but as long as you'll still here you are a romanian so Happy Birthday and set aside your theories about stuff you wish you'll change but can't and other stuff because as long as you're here with me/us we are all Romanians no matter how proud or not you are for being a Romanian, that's also really not important too.

When no longer will I be here then I'll say that I don't care or I won't mind stuff happening here but as long as I'm still a part of this country and as long as I'm still living here and contributing to stuff here with or without my consent I am and still be for some longer time a Romanian, so Happy Birthday to us who are still fighting it here. I'm very far away from being a nationalist/patriot but how can I not enjoy some free days all for myself no matter the context of it?

The rest just doesn't matter. I'm currently here, living the now so a merry happy birthday again you mad people!

They're quite popular here, this band

Rabda inima si tace.


duminică, 19 noiembrie 2017

In the Pursuit of Happyness

Work, work, work. Learn and work for a better future for myself. Hoping one day I'll also find my happiness wherever it may be, taking whichever form. Hoping all of this, all the years, everything won't be in vain.
But I know what we usually do inspire others without even knowing it as we're too preoccupied being in the process of doing it well to notice it, so it must have some good in it. It must have, some results, a finish line, the real happyness, the sweet, bittersweet relief. Hope I'll know how to enjoy it when the time comes. But this is another thing we can learn, not only to appreciate it, but to genuinely enjoy it.

Great show. :)

What a rusty voice, ugh

duminică, 12 noiembrie 2017


Some of the songs I enjoy

And of course lots of songs from Rihanna, the bad Riri version.
A lot of people talking about Untold and Tomorrowland being the biggest festivals in the world but nobody knows about the Burning Man. Such a pity. Take a look

And this filmed by that guy from the prankvsprank youtube channel, jesse

And this one the Baba City from soundcloud. 

And this one too

And a lot of songs from the Cowboy Bebop series. :D Forever.
Enjoy! :-*