marți, 20 iunie 2017

Every you, every me

I've always been modest, I don't have many things or achievements that makes you say wow compared to others and of course I'm no special, nobody is and I don't know how great I am at anything but I have one thing just one thing, THAT one thing which I'm very proud of and which defines me 100% as a person and that thing is called persistence. This is the only thing I'll always be very proud of and the one thing that will probably set me apart from anyone, I am persistent in an obsessive way so even if I go through hell I'll always do it by keeping in mind my goals, wishes, objectives or simply a great vision or desire. Nothing comes easily, without great deal or effort and we, the highly persistent ones know this the best from all.

I think that: Talent, genius, and education mean very little when persistence is lacking. :) I don't say they are not important but they are nothing without true determination. I've seen many people who lack this but have many more of the above things but still that spark is missing, that burning desire, that I don't want simply to earn a living kind of spark if you know what I mean. Or maybe they are just shy which is kind of like a disease because it stops you from doing a lot of awesome things, I know it because, been there, done that, not anymore. :D Even when they've reached that success so they have all the money so no more struggling they won't be happy because they know something is missing. Highly persistent people will keep going long after the rest have dropped out. Even after they reach that success they very much fought or wished for they will still continue. It's in the DNA. It's not an easy life, not at all but it's a very adventurous and thrilling one, just like we like it to be. :)


And somebody reminded me of this song, chills down my spine. They even used it in an Romanian movie I won't say its name and I prefer this version more than the one from Coldplay with the lyrics.

And some songs I used to listen to with no idea of what the lyrics were actually about, never payed attention to the lyrics. Now that I understand what they're talking about, I think they're very funny the image I had before and how I think right now. :)))

luni, 19 iunie 2017

T-Shirts mania!

Still looking for an apartment with the girls in Bucharest for July onwards after two epic fails because seriousness my ass, that's why I never trust agencies of any kind. Hope we'll find something though, something that will really stay. :)) These days will kill me, that's why I'll go to Piatra Neamt to my cousin for a couple of days this week just to unplug from everything, shut down everything, the silence before the storm kind of thing and because I didn't go to Constanta this weekend with the future roomies because of some lame excuse. I really needed that, however, it doesn't matter anymore. The weather was awful, it rained all weekend non stop and the concert was canceled because of that so I didn't miss anything, haha.

What's with this guy and the bananas in every video? :)))

I look around and I see nothing in my neighborhood
Not satisfied don't think I'll ever wanna stay for good
Packed up my bags, told mom and dad I've gotta go, go
And once I do they'll finally see the inner me

 Everybody wanna be a star, everybody want a nice car
Everybody wanna live great, have a good damn time, never trip with the law
The popo up in PO, dirtier than VO
Bullies from the past act like I'm the fucking hero
Livin' in LA for the weather, I FaceTime mom when I miss her
I got some homies that'll never leave my hometown
When I pull up to the corner, it smell like Miley Cyrus
I told em' I don't smoke, they say "boy, you fuckin' wildin'"
Innocent and young
Reckless and we dumb
Our heart is like our earth and memories the sun.

Si m-ati innebunit cu piesa asta, e peste tot, ma bantuie, sau aia cu No Type. :)))

And now I really want a T-Shirt with Pulp Fiction, like for real. I watched this just for the sake of that awesome T-Shirt, not a fan of this guy and his music but damn that T-Shirt. I need it in my life.  :))
I'm at that strange point in my life when I only want to wear awesome T-Shirts like that one with the Bazinga!!! printed on it or with Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction or anything related to that movie and many more if you search the big internet.

Just look how awesome they are:

Really hope that everything will be just fine in the end. It has to. -_-
PS: I edited my last post, so check it out, it has some Kate Bush in there. ;)
And my all time fav band since childhood. Now I like more only Serj Tankian and his great orchestra.

luni, 12 iunie 2017

Options (Edited)

I'll never understand those kids, youngsters even adults in general who have like a million opportunities and options to choose from in life and all the support needed to achieve anything and they're just like I don't care, I don't know or I don't want to know or I don't even want to try. Such a pity and a waste of opportunities. It's called being spoiled, I know but still such a waste. :( 

My heart skipped a beat on this song. Great orchestra!

I love this pic and they're not many pics I like with me but this one, I really like it. :)

Later Edit: These days I listened to Kate Bush like a lot which is funny because at first I didn't understand at all why the hype with her why is she called a legend and all that, I thought that Bjork was and it still is a legend but now I understand why. After a couple of listenings on repeat, I finally see it or better said feel it. Her voice as high pitched and funny as it sounds the first time you actually hear it becomes better and better and as I'm a fan of Wuthering Heights(the version with Tom Hardy and Charlotte Riley, ofc) I came to adore her little by little, love her strangeness.

Enjoy the strangeness! Be different, think different, one of my many mottos in life! :)

sâmbătă, 3 iunie 2017

Summer nights

Sleepless nights, many sleepless nights

Finished Stranger Things which was on the to watch list since last year. Love those kids. :)

I told you in the previous post that I'm scared of bad, crazy people because they're so many, I think what I'm most scared of are small minds. These are the most dangerous ones of them all because what you can't understand usually makes you feel uneasy and it is seen as bad just because it's different or just because you can't understand it, especially after a certain age when you're becoming more and more lazy and comfortable with your life so you sort of stop learning. I don't know why we do this, stop learning and trying when we're older or stop accepting new things just because, dunno why. Always be different, don't go with the flock of sheep because who cares about the crowds? They're just crowds.
Not related to anything but that guy from the Soundgarden died quite a while ago but however. It was quite a debate about how we remember good artists only after they are dead but nobody listened to them before. Well, I did, I posted about them this year before everything so it's not like nobody, nobody. :)

vineri, 2 iunie 2017

Resolutions (Edited)

Ready for a very long, boring post where I'll probably repeat myself? :)) You've been warned.

I'm at my final days at work and I'm feeling weird of course. I'll take my boss advice and I'll try as much as I can to find my own place in this world, if possible in another field, only if possible :( not because I was terrible in this one, haha, it's not related to that, it's just because I won't be happy around kids, I can't really go down on their level when I'm always thinking how to develop myself more and how to be better or how to grow as a person, I was surprised when she actually told me that I'm different, that she never saw a person who just can't find it in her heart to let kids in her life, that she's seeing other things in me, that she can't see not even a drop of maternal instinct in me, you know that thing all women are supposed to have no matter the age or if they're mothers or not and that it's better if I'm focusing my life on completely different things like career or something, that I'll probably be very great in other things, it can be anything else than being a parent or making a family because it's just not for me. I was kind of shocked but also thrilled at the same time, however I never saw myself as a parent of any sort, I knew it the first time I saw my nephew, I like him a lot of course but that's it, I see children, I like them but that's it, now let's go back to business :))) I always liked other things in life, it's not called selfishness it's just wanting to dedicate your life to continually develop yourself without anything else to disturb it and no, it's not because I'm too young so I'll change my mind later when I'll be older or when I'll find the right person, nope, unfortunately or maybe fortunately this is how I've always been (now I don't really know if I'll ever have a child or not, the tricky thing here is that guys usually want children so I dunno it's tricky).  She frankly told me that I'm probably the most mature, serious and strict 23 years old person she ever met in her life(I always thought that I'm the complete opposite, haha) and I don't even want to admit it acting all bubbly to try not to be a boring adult, that's my biggest fear actually :) when I know that I see things way ahead of them even happening, I always liked to talk with much older people than me because I always felt more on the same page with them and funny enough people my age always liked coming back to me and talk or even listening to my advices and think that I know some stuff naturally like I'm much older than them, like I have life experience or something when in reality that's not true at all, I didn't experience anything I just observe things around me and I naturally know what to say or to do, I don't know how exactly it happens, they just come to me very natural, I just know it, that's all, maybe I'm a good psychologist like my boss who have seen this maturity in me and of course she's not the only one who told me this so I kind of knew about it before because someone else who also know me very well told me the exact same thing that I have a certain maturity and it always feels with me like I know things I couldn't or shouldn't know because I never experienced them but I just know them, who knows how, well it's hard to explain, you just have to meet me in person so you'll see for yourself. :)))  It's very funny because the first months me and my boss we just couldn't get along at all, it was just like we were speaking different languages until we sat down and everybody was honest and said all they wanted to say. And now I'm kind of grateful but also scared because I don't know exactly what to do, I'm scared of meeting crazy, very bad people who'll put me down because they're so many (maybe that's why I wanted to be around kids more, I felt like they'll be less crazy, bad people in this field and I was right, they weren't, at least not many but of course I only saw it like a business).

Now what does Claudia wants in a job but probably won't get it very soon because life's a bitch when you're poor and need money to survive and when she wants to live on her own like really on her own for the very first time so she can get some perspective in life so less and less money for her because Romania. Claudia will be very happy if she'll work in a place that can give her the possibility to work with people and by this I'm meaning adults, open-minded and very ambitious ones who have high goals in life just like her, in a place where she can develop all the time, to grow professionally, to do all kinds of different things, to travel if possible but it's not compulsory, to kind of reach higher and higher as the years pass by, she never ever wants to feel trapped again be it in a city, in a country or by a person be it family, relative, friend, boyfriend or by a circumstance or just by life, or by a job or just because she's poor, or just because she doesn't have enough money, like it has to be nothing at all, no trap of any sort, that's when she'll be truly happy but at the same time she knows it sounds very arrogant but she doesn't want to try many unsuitable things until she gets to have the right job, that very big job or company we all hope for because if she'll do it like this it will drive her crazy forcing herself again and again, broking herself even more doing things that she knows they are just not suited for her and they just won't get her anywhere, but she has to do it just because she'll need the money to survive. And this is the vicious circle Claudia is in. And Claudia is way too young to lose her mind. Now how can you ever think of what you really love in life when you're always thinking about money, more money struggling with time and surviving at the same time or just money, money, money? And that's why Claudia hates Romania and she knows she'll have no rest until she'll leave the country for good, sooner the better. Now that she'll be closer to the airport, I think she'll get all the money she can there and book a plane ticket somewhere and never, ever come back again. :))

 But enough with the third person, I know I'll most probably be forced to continue to work in this field if I'll really won't find anything else there and that's really sad, that's quite my nightmare right there but as I really need a change of environment and people to get some perspective, I'll do it. But still what I said earlier, my wish stands, being closer to the airport, it's very tempting for me, it's my greatest wish so how could I ignore it, I'll get all the money and book a plane ticket without coming back, haha, it sounds funny because I didn't even left my home and I'm already thinking of leaving the place I'm going, that's exactly how I thought before I even got this job I was thinking about the time I'll leave it before I even got it, sorry boss, like really I'm not lying, I was that sure about it and I'm always thinking way, way ahead, :D as I'm sure I'll be broke the next months, rent and all that so harder to save money from now on when you're on your own but still I really don't know how or when but I swear I'll do it, I'll book that ticket and go to that airport and it won't be on vacation or visiting relatives it will be so that I won't come back ever again it will be for a job, well of course I'll come just to visit but not more than that I know it because the worse the job will be where I go right now and me unhappier, the sooner I'll want to leave and do crazy things and actually they're not crazy things, it's just my biggest wish of my life. And hell no, I won't go back home, I'll be rather starving on the streets and not letting anyone know about it (well that's a bit exaggerated but however you get my point) than going back. I'll always move forward, and forward and forward, bigger and bigger and bigger.

PS: The new teacher left like for good and I'm so not surprised at all, that's why I like my intuition, it's the best. :-P

The music of Selah Sue hits me hard everytime, I can literally feel her emotions and feelings when she sings, like they are mine, I feel her pain and struggles like there're my own, the power of her songs it's just mindblowing for me, she's all passion and soul in her music from the gestures to the dancing and singing, love the voice, love the way she's getting lost in her music. I saw something similar in Aurora's songs but not the same of course, 'cause they're different. I'm obsessed with her since 2014 and this don't usually happens with me, I don't have idols in music because I listen to many genres and bands and I like many musicians but with her is different because I'm coming back again and again and again more than I do with other musicians, artists and so on.

And here is the whole concert on Deezer, best songs:
Cheers! :)

And because I can't sleep:

Always fight for what you want! Hope I won't see this small city very soon

miercuri, 24 mai 2017


This is the jungle I was talking about in my previous post. Romania at its finest and in private schools ohoo there's lots of them because yes, they have kids, they are also parents but not only that. :)) You'll be surprised, but not in offices or other jobs but in schools you can find most of them, because it's not only a very good business for women, not anymore, to open up an after school or any kind of private school there is out there but it's also for men too. (of course they're everywhere, I just state where the majority are and I don't have anything with them I really don't judge anyone, I usually don't care, I just state the obvious, the things I see, the pattern, what catched my eye, that's all) :) Kids will always be, just like pills if you're a pharmacist. There're things that you know they'll always work no matter the times or the place.
That's why it's better to just run, run from Romania, sooner the better because the bad influence from here will affect you less if you leave sooner, no matter the field you're working in, well in IT I heard it's the best but still. Romania itself it's a bad influence so you can imagine. I'll be honest and say that I wish I wasn't born in this country. It's great to live in Romania only if you're from a rich family so you can be rest assured you'll be rich too so if you're rich in general, otherwise it's not worth it, waste of time. You can say oh but no it won't affect me, because I will never be like that, well yes I thought so too but I realised that no it will affect anyone no matter what you do, even if you don't realise it, it will affect everyone who remains here because you can't be an outcast, nobody can, it's just part of the society, unfortunately a very, very big part of it so you can't just avoid it unless you just leave the country. It's just how it is and it's sad I know and the ones who praise it and say only good things about Romania, haha they always make me laugh because those who say these things are usually the ones that had left Romania a long time ago so it's easy for them to say that they miss it and that it is in a certain way because it's easier to just make an image for yourself in your mind of how you think it is the country when you don't actually live in that image or when you simply don't actually live there anymore since who knows when.

This song is perfect, it's a perfect glimpse of everything, it's the hard truth we don't want to accept, it's the hard truth we're all living even if you're hiding it or don't want to admit it.

 It's right in your face, staring at you, metaphorically speaking, so you can't avoid it even if you want to. That's why I think it's sad. But the truth will always be an unpleasant one.

PS: This song is actually a parody of all the Romanian Rappers, I just took it and saw it from a completely different perspective and I gave it another meaning just because they used verses from popular songs for kids and popular games we all played when we were kids and kendama at the end which is the game of now, the present, of this generation of kids. Glad I made that clear. ;)
And not related at all with the topic, now that the summer is here, I'm seeing more and more people with tattoos on them, girls, boys doesn't matter, I see them everywhere in the city and I'm quite amazed, I know there wasn't something you usually saw on everyone at least a couple of years back but now, kind of everyone who is in their 20's has one, it's quite something, to be honest.

Time for goodbyes but I'm not sad at all :) (Edited at the end)

Now looking again into perspective I think I grew up quite a bit and I'm definitely stronger, don't know how fully equiped for the jungle that Bucharest is, because Romania and a lot of "golaneala", haha, strange people, perverted, bad, manipulative, all the evilest things you can imagine and of course the ones with bigger problems than mine, etc. I don't take things and people so easily anymore, I watch out what I say because sometimes it's better to just shut up for your own good. :) But at least I'll get used to a bigger city and it's different, because that's what I'm looking for, something different, at least for now. And I'll be fine because I'm more confident in myself now, confidence is the key and definitely more independent and sociable. I have to thank again my colleagues, well at least the one that remained :)) because they were by my side from the beginning 'till the end, these girls have been through so many things in life each of them and we were such a great dynamic and diverse group, different ages, characters, views of life but we got along so well just because we were so different so each one had her charm and we completed and learned form each other quite a lot. I also tried to take some lessons and wisdom from each of them and they also, I hope, took some of my never ending energy. They tried to teach me so, so many things from life, people, men and relationships to how to truly enjoy life and my youth, how to party, what to drink, what not to drink, how to not be vulnerable and naive, or at least how not to show it, how to be a real woman and to love yourself more, they scolded me, they praised me when it was well deserved and scolded me again. We'll definetely keep in touch many years from now because I'm sure it's quite hard to find another dynamic and diverse group like this elsewhere. I really hope they solve all their problems because now they have a lot of problems with only one person left in all the centre, that's not good bussiness at all. And I hope I'll get rid of that stupid AJOFM once and for all, made me bring a bunch of different papers/documents to make me a big folder with my name, photo, card, signature stamped on it, my fingerprint was the only one that was missing there like wtf I'm no villan, happened when I got the job and to bring them a stupid paper every 3 months(those people are the most stupid people I ever met, they are those kind of people who voted with PSD) and now they want to take some of the money they gave me before Christmas back, (very few of course, because everything here is very few) just because I don't want to respect their stupid contract of 12 months, it's not even related to the contract I have signed where I actually work, that's another one, a permanent one that I can easily resign and leave whenever I want(even if the contract is full time, they made me come less hours just so they can pay me less like part-time which is stupid I know but that's how greedy they are that they don't want to pay me even a normal salary like it's stated in the contract I signed, they pay me half of that), this one with the AJOFM it's something totally different, another type of contract only this stupid country has and not only that they want me to give them another set of stupid paperwork to make another folder of who knows how many months when the law states clearly that it should be just for 12 months but now because I want to leave only after 8 months they want another folder to prolong the time and all the money they gave me they want it back, like they couldn't just spare me of those 4 months left they use big words like it's against the law of the state what you're doing so you'll be held against the law and other bullshit, fuck your law, fuck this city, fuck this country and its people, so sick and tired of the stupid bullshit you're pulling on me all the time thinking that it works just because I'm not well informed. I may not be well informed because it's my first fucking job but now I'm hella more informed, more than I actually wanted in the first place. What kind of stupid system is this? Who is this crazy, stupid and masochistic to want to be your puppet who'll work for you for so little money for a year while you're thinking of more ways to get even more money if possible, in ways like the AJOFM does, meaning in very corrupt ways, threating me with the laws of the state, that I don't respect them, are you fucking kidding me? This is so beyond me that I'm numb. I don't usually curse or wish someone bad things because it's not good, nobody wants to be cursed, I know I won't like it to be cursed, but man, I would very much like to have at least a list of people like Arya has in Game of Thrones to repeat their names always, you know what I'm talking about if you know the show.

I saw the new teacher, she left her first day at the centre crying and she had an age and some years of teaching experience buuuut those evil bastards made her cry, face all red, because of course they tested her. She was unlucky she got a class full of boys at puberty with hormones up the roof, haha. I wasn't joking when I said this isn't for everyone, especially when the company is private so kids think they're not at a public school so they think they can do anything to the teacher and parents don't care because oh, their child is the best *rolling my eyes* and you also as a teacher you're not allowed to say anything really bad to the parent because the money come from them so is your salary that month so you just have to kind of swallow it, like many things in life, be tough and badass and show those evil kids that you deserve some respect. And they'll give you the respect you deserve, they're not all evil, however, but only after a while and only if you're not soft and shy and very sweet like that new teacher. :) I remember my first days that I wanted to punch someone in the face at the end of the day, for real, which is bad, it's better to just cry like that new teacher, not like me. I actually don't remember the last time I cried, I know it was when my parrot died but I was 11 or something like that. :)) Not good like this, no, nope, violence is no good. I wish her good luck, she'll have to change in time, she'll lose all that sweetness and politeness in time, she'll start swearing and she'll also start being a badass because that's what you do, that's what that place does to you, if you want to survive or stay for a long time. :)) But she's also gonna learn some awesome things about herself, she'll be proud afterwards that she's stronger, she'll get the very thick skin as I like to say, she'll probably hate it, yep, I'm sure she'll hate it a lot or she'll just leave and simply don't bother because not everyone can be that strong, not everyone wants to face certain things, it's just not for everyone, I realised it for myself. And it's hard work, it's pure hard work, it's not like every job where you think you can just sit and answer some phones, take some coffee to your boss, smile a little bit, wear that short dress so you hope he'll give you a raise. Giiirl, that's not hard work. That's just putting your body and youth for some good use. I actually feel sorry for you if you do this and of course I hope I won't have to do something like this in my life, to put my body to good use or to any kind of use but if I'll ever have to, my boss will have the hardest time of his/her life along with me, I'll make sure we'll suffer together, not just me, I'm like that, I can get very creative.

 Be strong future new teacher, whoever you'll be, be strong. We know exactly how you feel but you have to force yourself to be strong, don't let them get to you, don't let them see anything, not even happiness, be like a rock and good luck. For you. ;)

And for me this song below because "work hard, party even harder". Alesha Dixon is awesome in this video, all fired up, this is how you dance and have fun.  I don't care about all the boys in the video, and the things they say, the sounds they make or the howling of the dogs, boys are pretty funny(I wanted to say stupid but maybe it's a little harsh and I don't want to get the wrong impression here, say no to feminists) and easy to manipulate when the hormones go up the roof and they don't think straight anymore(only then) so are women who believe all their bullshit and lies when they are like that, but women like to believe it even when they know it's wrong, because they just like it, or just because they don't have enough self respect, the problem is when you don't have any limits and accept everything, you as a woman, that's the real problem :-P but it's a very good song to dance to and the topic is complex for another time, in another post, to debate and talk about in a more friendly environment, if possible.

 Parov Stelar too has some awesome music to dance to.

Hope I'll be able to see him in concert someday, will really like to, kind of like a dream come true. I like all his music, I'm a fan, I admit.
 Later Edit: 
My parents just told me that they're going to Costinesti this summer because they have a friend from when they were young or something like that and that person has that kind of minivan, caravan or I don't know how it's called that's like a walking home with electricity and everything and they have an annual meet up in June where all these people with caravans will meet, kind of like how motorcyclists gather in summer and afterwards they'll can go whenever they want to the seaside because that person will stay 3 months, all the summer there, even travelling if he wants to because of course they're all retired. That's the most awesome thing ever, I'm so happy for them, they so deserve some freedom and to feel young again after a life of struggles and working.

And who doesn't want a caravan like this to escape life?