miercuri, 24 mai 2017


This is the jungle I was talking about in my previous post. Romania at its finest and in private schools ohoo there's lots of them because yes, they have kids, they are also parents but not only that. :)) You'll be surprised, but not in offices or other jobs but in schools you can find most of them, because it's not only a very good business for women, not anymore, to open up an after school or any kind of private school there is out there but it's also for men too. (of course they're everywhere, I just state where the majority are and I don't have anything with them I really don't judge anyone, I usually don't care, I just state the obvious, the things I see, the pattern, what catched my eye, that's all) :) Kids will always be, just like pills if you're a pharmacist. There're things that you know they'll always work no matter the times or the place.
That's why it's better to just run, run from Romania, sooner the better because the bad influence from here will affect you less if you leave sooner, no matter the field you're working in, well in IT I heard it's the best but still. Romania itself it's a bad influence so you can imagine. I'll be honest and say that I wish I wasn't born in this country. It's great to live in Romania only if you're from a rich family so you can be rest assured you'll be rich too so if you're rich in general, otherwise it's not worth it, waste of time. You can say oh but no it won't affect me, because I will never be like that, well yes I thought so too but I realised that no it will affect anyone no matter what you do, even if you don't realise it, it will affect everyone who remains here because you can't be an outcast, nobody can, it's just part of the society, unfortunately a very, very big part of it so you can't just avoid it unless you just leave the country. It's just how it is and it's sad I know and the ones who praise it and say only good things about Romania, haha they always make me laugh because those who say these things are usually the ones that had left Romania a long time ago so it's easy for them to say that they miss it and that it is in a certain way because it's easier to just make an image for yourself in your mind of how you think it is the country when you don't actually live in that image or when you simply don't actually live there anymore since who knows when.

This song is perfect, it's a perfect glimpse of everything, it's the hard truth we don't want to accept, it's the hard truth we're all living even if you're hiding it or don't want to admit it.

 It's right in your face, staring at you, metaphorically speaking, so you can't avoid it even if you want to. That's why I think it's sad. But the truth will always be an unpleasant one.

PS: This song is actually a parody of all the Romanian Rappers, I just took it and saw it from a completely different perspective and I gave it another meaning just because they used verses from popular songs for kids and popular games we all played when we were kids and kendama at the end which is the game of now, the present, of this generation of kids. Glad I made that clear. ;)
And not related at all with the topic, now that the summer is here, I'm seeing more and more people with tattoos on them, girls, boys doesn't matter, I see them everywhere in the city and I'm quite amazed, I know there wasn't something you usually saw on everyone at least a couple of years back but now, kind of everyone who is in their 20's has one, it's quite something, to be honest.

Time for goodbyes but I'm not sad at all :) (Edited at the end)

Now looking again into perspective I think I grew up quite a bit and I'm definitely stronger, don't know how fully equiped for the jungle that Bucharest is, because Romania and a lot of "golaneala", haha, strange people, perverted, bad, manipulative, all the evilest things you can imagine and of course the ones with bigger problems than mine, etc. I don't take things and people so easily anymore, I watch out what I say because sometimes it's better to just shut up for your own good. :) But at least I'll get used to a bigger city and it's different, because that's what I'm looking for, something different, at least for now. And I'll be fine because I'm more confident in myself now, confidence is the key and definitely more independent and sociable. I have to thank again my colleagues, well at least the one that remained :)) because they were by my side from the beginning 'till the end, these girls have been through so many things in life each of them and we were such a great dynamic and diverse group, different ages, characters, views of life but we got along so well just because we were so different so each one had her charm and we completed and learned form each other quite a lot. I also tried to take some lessons and wisdom from each of them and they also, I hope, took some of my never ending energy. They tried to teach me so, so many things from life, people, men and relationships to how to truly enjoy life and my youth, how to party, what to drink, what not to drink, how to not be vulnerable and naive, or at least how not to show it, how to be a real woman and to love yourself more, they scolded me, they praised me when it was well deserved and scolded me again. We'll definetely keep in touch many years from now because I'm sure it's quite hard to find another dynamic and diverse group like this elsewhere. I really hope they solve all their problems because now they have a lot of problems with only one person left in all the centre, that's not good bussiness at all. And I hope I'll get rid of that stupid AJOFM once and for all, made me bring a bunch of different papers/documents to make me a big folder with my name, photo, card, signature stamped on it, my fingerprint was the only one that was missing there like wtf I'm no villan, happened when I got the job and to bring them a stupid paper every 3 months(those people are the most stupid people I ever met, they are those kind of people who voted with PSD) and now they want to take some of the money they gave me before Christmas back, (very few of course, because everything here is very few) just because I don't want to respect their stupid contract of 12 months, it's not even related to the contract I have signed where I actually work, that's another one, a permanent one that I can easily resign and leave whenever I want(even if the contract is full time, they made me come less hours just so they can pay me less like part-time which is stupid I know but that's how greedy they are that they don't want to pay me even a normal salary like it's stated in the contract I signed, they pay me half of that), this one with the AJOFM it's something totally different, another type of contract only this stupid country has and not only that they want me to give them another set of stupid paperwork to make another folder of who knows how many months when the law states clearly that it should be just for 12 months but now because I want to leave only after 8 months they want another folder to prolong the time and all the money they gave me they want it back, like they couldn't just spare me of those 4 months left they use big words like it's against the law of the state what you're doing so you'll be held against the law and other bullshit, fuck your law, fuck this city, fuck this country and its people, so sick and tired of the stupid bullshit you're pulling on me all the time thinking that it works just because I'm not well informed. I may not be well informed because it's my first fucking job but now I'm hella more informed, more than I actually wanted in the first place. What kind of stupid system is this? Who is this crazy, stupid and masochistic to want to be your puppet who'll work for you for so little money for a year while you're thinking of more ways to get even more money if possible, in ways like the AJOFM does, meaning in very corrupt ways, threating me with the laws of the state, that I don't respect them, are you fucking kidding me? This is so beyond me that I'm numb. I don't usually curse or wish someone bad things because it's not good, nobody wants to be cursed, I know I won't like it to be cursed, but man, I would very much like to have at least a list of people like Arya has in Game of Thrones to repeat their names always, you know what I'm talking about if you know the show.

I saw the new teacher, she left her first day at the centre crying and she had an age and some years of teaching experience buuuut those evil bastards made her cry, face all red, because of course they tested her. She was unlucky she got a class full of boys at puberty with hormones up the roof, haha. I wasn't joking when I said this isn't for everyone, especially when the company is private so kids think they're not at a public school so they think they can do anything to the teacher and parents don't care because oh, their child is the best *rolling my eyes* and you also as a teacher you're not allowed to say anything really bad to the parent because the money come from them so is your salary that month so you just have to kind of swallow it, like many things in life, be tough and badass and show those evil kids that you deserve some respect. And they'll give you the respect you deserve, they're not all evil, however, but only after a while and only if you're not soft and shy and very sweet like that new teacher. :) I remember my first days that I wanted to punch someone in the face at the end of the day, for real, which is bad, it's better to just cry like that new teacher, not like me. I actually don't remember the last time I cried, I know it was when my parrot died but I was 11 or something like that. :)) Not good like this, no, nope, violence is no good. I wish her good luck, she'll have to change in time, she'll lose all that sweetness and politeness in time, she'll start swearing and she'll also start being a badass because that's what you do, that's what that place does to you, if you want to survive or stay for a long time. :)) But she's also gonna learn some awesome things about herself, she'll be proud afterwards that she's stronger, she'll get the very thick skin as I like to say, she'll probably hate it, yep, I'm sure she'll hate it a lot or she'll just leave and simply don't bother because not everyone can be that strong, not everyone wants to face certain things, it's just not for everyone, I realised it for myself. And it's hard work, it's pure hard work, it's not like every job where you think you can just sit and answer some phones, take some coffee to your boss, smile a little bit, wear that short dress so you hope he'll give you a raise. Giiirl, that's not hard work. That's just putting your body and youth for some good use. I actually feel sorry for you if you do this and of course I hope I won't have to do something like this in my life, to put my body to good use or to any kind of use but if I'll ever have to, my boss will have the hardest time of his/her life along with me, I'll make sure we'll suffer together, not just me, I'm like that, I can get very creative.

 Be strong future new teacher, whoever you'll be, be strong. We know exactly how you feel but you have to force yourself to be strong, don't let them get to you, don't let them see anything, not even happiness, be like a rock and good luck. For you. ;)

And for me this song below because "work hard, party even harder". Alesha Dixon is awesome in this video, all fired up, this is how you dance and have fun.  I don't care about all the boys in the video, and the things they say, the sounds they make or the howling of the dogs, boys are pretty funny(I wanted to say stupid but maybe it's a little harsh and I don't want to get the wrong impression here, say no to feminists) and easy to manipulate when the hormones go up the roof and they don't think straight anymore(only then) so are women who believe all their bullshit and lies when they are like that, but women like to believe it even when they know it's wrong, because they just like it, or just because they don't have enough self respect, the problem is when you don't have any limits and accept everything, you as a woman, that's the real problem :-P but it's a very good song to dance to and the topic is complex for another time, in another post, to debate and talk about in a more friendly environment, if possible.

 Parov Stelar too has some awesome music to dance to.

Hope I'll be able to see him in concert someday, will really like to, kind of like a dream come true. I like all his music, I'm a fan, I admit.
 Later Edit: 
My parents just told me that they're going to Costinesti this summer because they have a friend from when they were young or something like that and that person has that kind of minivan, caravan or I don't know how it's called that's like a walking home with electricity and everything and they have an annual meet up in June where all these people with caravans will meet, kind of like how motorcyclists gather in summer and afterwards they'll can go whenever they want to the seaside because that person will stay 3 months, all the summer there, even travelling if he wants to because of course they're all retired. That's the most awesome thing ever, I'm so happy for them, they so deserve some freedom and to feel young again after a life of struggles and working.

And who doesn't want a caravan like this to escape life?

miercuri, 10 mai 2017


This will be my last post. 
My alter ego is right here below for you :)


At all
How long will it take before I make the big mistake
And how long will it take before my eyes speak out the truth
How hard will I break when all the rules no longer stand
And thoughts are running out of air
How hard will I fall when I can't deal with this at all
It's getting darker, break my wall but no one gets my point at all
At all, at all, at all
At all, at all

And how long will it take before the mask falls off my face
And how long will it take before my eyes speak out the truth
How hard will I break when all the rules no longer stand
And thoughts are running out of air
How hard will I fall when I can't deal with this at all
It's getting darker, break my wall but no one gets my point at all
At all, at all

This song is very special for me, it always was, this song it's me, it's me the last years, I am broken for many years, no big surprise here, this year more than ever, it's no use to write now all the reasons, way too many. My many posts always reflect them and this is something I don't like about this blog. I just want this to be the last post because when I'll come back to post again, I want to say that I fixed myself up and that I'm fine so I can actually write some awesome things but if I don't come back to post something, anything it means that I'm still very broken as I am right now so no need for posting something, so it means that I'm still in the same place, still home, complaining my ass off because yes, being in the same place, at home will always be a failure coming from my part, longer it takes, more broken I become and either way I need a break from it.

luni, 1 mai 2017

1st of May

If you're a Romanian and you're born before '95, it means your childhood was exactly like in the first video below.
Now you're not allowed to have barbecues in the city which is good, kids don't play outside anymore like we did because computers and internet which is bad(I also had these of course and some years of forums and staying inside all the time playing games and all that we all did it when we discovered the big internet and what it has to offer, but much later on like in my teens and it was for a short period of time either way, it's all good, everything is fine and you should try kind of almost everything as long as it doesn't last forever, as long as it's just for a short period of time so it doesn't get addictive or obsessive of some sort) and many more, that's why it's so nostalgic, this video.
Inafara de videoclip, stiu ca sintagma "viata e pustiu" nu e corecta gramatical dar piesa si mai ales versurile sunt mai mult la caterinca asa, nu trebuie luate prea in serios acuma. De ceva timp, Delia are oricum stilul asta, sa dea peste nas la toata lumea, sa starneasca tot felul de controverse, sa fie nonconformista si sa faca exact ce nu se cere, ce e din afara normei si a societatii si ce nu se asteapta marea majoritate de la ea adica mai pe scurt face exact ce vrea muschiul ei, haha, de asta imi si place mult mai mult acum indiferent de cat de stupid suna unele piese ca are bineinteles si din astea, nu toate sunt wow. Imi place ca este exact cum vrea ea sa fie si ca promoveaza exact ce vrea muschiul ei. Cred ca fiecare ar trebui sa fie mai liber in gandire, in dorinte si in actiuni. ;)

And I usually like to steal other people's songs so hey, I plead guilty for the lack of originality but this is actually my first time seeing the video on this one, knew the song but didn't expect to see some badass, longboard girls in the video so a big, big plus for this awesome idea.

Either way, initially I wanted to post this song but the ones above are more suited for this day when if you're a Romanian you'll either go to Sunwaves or Vama Veche, depending on your taste in music or Bucharest or to a barbecue in the woods. :))
Arizona Dream movie with Johnny Depp, directed by Emir Kusturica is a must-see for everyone. I will want to see it again for the second time some day.


For Summer/ De Vara :)